Judgmental

This evening i found myself having a cig on the balcony, as a man walks past and salutes me. I’ve never seen him before, but since he is walking on the pathway to our set of flats i assume he lives in one.

Iv’e only recently moved into these new build flats, so i don’t know most of my neighbors yet.

The 3 and 2 bed houses and flats house mainly families with kids, and the one bed flats house couples (like me and my partner) or single tenants.

Opposite the hall from us, in a one bed flat, live what i think is a couple. There is a woman, a man and then a boy who i see there a lot, who looks like the mans twin, but smaller.

They have been a bit noisy, and i have seen them involved in some strange night time (1am) activities on their balcony, involving rubber gloves and boxes.

They have the same flat as us, and as well as all the people i see going in and out, they have 2 kittens (one got run-over a few weeks ago) and a fully grown Labrador.

I really don’t know how they all fit in there.

My naturally pessimistic brain has labelled them scummy chavs. Possibly drug dealers, engaging in illegal activity which somehow screws over myself for living opposite them.

Then on the balcony just now, when i was wondering where the man who saluted me lives, and wondering if he had a typical family unit, or a strange one like my neighbors, i thought to myself, what the fuck am i doing?

They are just people who are trying to live life. Their kitten got run over due to poor looking after, and they may be doing potentially illegal things on their balcony, or housing a small town in their one bed flat, but what has it got to do with me?

I don’t want to be a nosey person, i don’t like nosey people, and neighbors who try to know a bit too much about you are the worst.

I don’t want to be that person who thinks the worst of everyone, who assumes things of people due to the tiny bit of information they hold in their brain on who they think that person might be.

I know i am critical of myself to a point where it is not healthy, and i want to try to make that better in time. But i think i need to start with the judgments i make of other people.

Negative nelly has to pack her bags.

 

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4 comments

  1. It’s strange isn’t it the way that generally people that have been through great hardship in life tend to be less judgmental and critical of life choices than the more comfortable living people. I realize this in itself is a judgement but I believe it has something to do with having a more complete reference of what it means to be at the mercy of our own minds.

    If there is an upside to mental conditions it is that we get a window into just how fragile our minds really are. In this sense someone like yourself has an opportunity to look into the nature of mind and how it can quickly become our worst enemy if it’s activities are not watched over by some other self. Hopefully one that has kindness.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The world is crazy and I think it’s natural to be intrigued and perhaps worried by odd behaviour. I would be. I’ve no idea how bpd affects, you. However if I was psychotic with schizophrenia I’d be thinking all manner of odd stuff. I’m not though (I’m well at the moment) and I think your reaction is normal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment Joe, and for taking the time to read my blog. BPD makes my thinking quite distorted at times, and its nice to just do a check on myself every now and again and ask if what im thinking is helpful. I have been psychotic a few times, but never for long periods of time. Thanks again. x

      Like

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